Plan of attack

The other day Soen and I were reading a kids book about how various animals protect themselves from being eaten by other animals. On the last page it asks how you would protect yourself from being eaten. I figured Soen would say that he would run away really fast or something. But instead he replied, "I don't know, kick him in the penis?"

Seems like a good strategy to me.

Guess what Sadie's going to be for Halloween?

Newfanlged playground wipes out 3/4 of family

Sadie as Veronica Lake.











Someone told Wife about this cool new playground that was near us, so tonight we went and had a look-see. It was just as space-aged as advertised, featuring not a single familiar playground ride. There were about a half dozen different spinning things and some weird kind of zany climbing things and there were at least three of four things I honestly couldn't figure out what they heck they were or how to use them. It was truly bizarre. It was also rather deadly as we discovered.

So, there were these two spinning rides that I'd never seen before. They were bowls that were set at a slight angle--not quite 45 degrees. The child (or adult) would sit in it and, thanks to the angle, they would start spinning around. If they were sitting right, they'd start to spin faster and faster. Soen was able to adjust his speed fairly well. We had to stop Sadie, because she started going to fast for her liking. That's when yours truly decided to literally give it a whirl. I got in and sat all the way down, not realizing that once I got moving, I'd be unable to stop my self. And that's exactly what happened. Over the course of about two minutes, I started spinning faster and faster until I was pleading with Wife to stop me. I think she thought I was joking around, but eventually she got the message that her husband was going to be in a very serious way rather soon, so she stepped in to stop me. I was finally able to pry myself out of the seat but when I got out, I was so completely dizzy--honestly, I've never been so dizzy in my entire life--that I just fell over... right onto my daughter, knocking her down and bruising her shin. It was a good minute before I could stand up and help with our now screaming daughter. Meanwhile, Wife was comforting Sadie and giving me looks like I'm some kind of abusive drunk.

Two down, one more to go.

A few minutes later Soen was riding on this space-aged merry-go-round. It kind of looks like a monorail track that's set on an angle (what's the deal with this angle business?). Kids can lie on it with their feet dangling on either side of the track. Anyway, Soen slammed his heel on one of the posts that hold the track up.

We decided perhaps it was time to go before we completed the beer frame. Sadie was still limping around as she went to bed tonight. If she's limping tomorrow, we'll take her to the doctor.

UPDATE: She's fine, thank the gods. I was actually kind of worried as to how I was going to explain this to the doctors.

Monkey Joe's!

For some reason many of the kids' activity centers around here don't open until 10am. When you're on your kids' schedule, that's like the middle of the afternoon. Hence, Sadie's exhilaration at discovering that Monkey Joe's--a big hall filled with Moon Bounce-type slide thingies--is finally open. Clearly the people who run these places don't have children. If they did, they'd be open at a more reasonable hour. Like 7.

Underoos!

The other day the kids were getting dressed for school and Sadie discovered an old pair of Soen's shoes. He picked them up, looked at them fondly and said, "Ahhh, the good old days."

Sadie's first soccer game was supposed to be this morning but it got canceled due to rain. I'm pretty excited to see her in action. I'll post a video when she finally plays. I can't imagine what 2-3 year-old soccer looks like. Sounds like it could be the most hilarious thing ever.

What you said?

Not my favorite child.
(This week.)

One of the things you quickly learn as a parent is that childhood is a series of phases--good and bad. It's kind of like what they say about the weather in Hawaii. If you don't like it, just wait a few minutes. One week your child is a perfect angel. The next week s/he is throwing food at dinnertime. But--and pardon me for mixing my metaphors here--phases are also kind of like viruses. You only get chicken pox once. Once your child tires of throwing food, s/he moves on to tearing up your magazines and leaves the food throwing behind. Or at least that's what I thought.

A few months ago Sadie went through her Why phase, which I have to say was one of the more annoying phases we've ever encountered. She would ask "why" for everything and keep asking you until you wanted to strangle a puppy. After a couple of eons she gave it up and moved on to Tormenting Daddy at Bedtime. This was also a particularly nasty phase but it did have one saving grace: it only happened once a day.

Unfortunately, however, the Why phase has returned, only this time it's coupled with Verbal Diarrhea to form (sorry for another mixed metaphor) a perfect storm of annoying. Here's a typical morning interaction. Sadie comes into the kitchen with her binky and nook nook and sees me eating breakfast. "Daddy you eating raisin bran, Daddy?" Yep-- "What you said, Daddy?" I said yes. "Why?" Because it's yummy. "Why?" Because. "Daddy, can I have juice, Daddy? Can I have juice? Daddy? Can I have juice?" Ok-- "You getting me juice, Daddy? Daddy? You getting me juice?" Yes, honey. "Why?"

And on and on. She'll ask me the same question three times before I can even process what it was that she asked me. Sometimes she asks me a question so many times, I feel like I'm being interrogated by the mob and I'm having a hard time getting my story straight. "OK, Daddy, just relax and tell me once again why I can't play with this steak knife?"

Last time the Why phase reared its annoying little head, I marveled at how quickly I would resort to saying things like, "Because I said so." As much as I hated saying it--after all, I don't really want to discourage her from asking questions--it was a quick way to end the conversation before I lost my mind. Now, however, I'm working on a more sophisticated strategy. Next time she asks me a question I'm going to point behind her and say, "Look, Sadie! It's Spider-man!" and quickly run out of the room. Think it'll work?

Why?

First day of school

Soen started kindergarten and Sadie started pre-school yesterday. He was a bit clingy as we left him in his new classroom. Sadie basically forgot I was there. When I picked her up her teacher said, "Oh what a good listener she was!" I suppressed a sarcastic remark. Gold star for Daddy.

Picking Soen up was an eye-opening experience. It was a total mob scene. Took me a half hour. Suddenly the bus looks like a great alternative. I just have to get the wife on board. She has visions of sixth graders pummeling my son into submission. Did I mention it took me a half hour to pick the boy up?

Note the hippie look Sadie was sporting. Today we switched over the the tennis/country club look. Well sort of. Note the spider-man tattoos and the blue lips and the blue streak running down her left leg. Sadie can make a mess even when chewing gum.